Revenge Wear Prada

Revenge Wears Prada isn't a young adult book, but I just couldn't resist writing a post dedicated to it. Why? Because it is utterly stupid.

You've probably heard about The Devil Wears Prada. You've probably even seen the movie with Anne Hathaway and Meryl Streep. Hoping to milk the cash cow that brought her success, Lauren Weisberger decided to write a sequel to The Devil Wears Prada...ten years later.

I didn't want to read this book. I had other things I was reading. And it was $12 -- yes, I'm that cheap. But my friend insisted we read the thing together. People never want to read things with me, so I caved.

My friend has since apologized for making me read it.

So why, you're probably asking, was this book so utterly stupid? Because it has nothing to do with the Devil, the Devil's revenge, or any revenge. It should have been called Where are They Now: Andy Sachs.

I guess I bought the path Andy's life had taken. So she never got to work for the New Yorker; neither do millions of other hopeful writers. Instead she made her living writing for blogs. Sure, that sounds believable. Whatever. I even bought the fact that she became best friends with her old Runway coworker, Emily, fell in love with a super rich publisher, and started her own wedding magazine. The problem I had with this story was how spineless Andy was. And how it had very little to do with Miranda. Seriously, if Weisberger wants to make some money, she should write a book about Miranda. Not Andy.

The book opens up with Andy about to get hitched. She finds a letter in her fiance's bag, and then proceeds to have anxiety about it for pretty much the entire book. Because of this letter, she can't trust her husband, but she marries him anyway. Seriously, what the hell? Either get over it, or leave the guy. I just couldn't sympathize her. I couldn't sympathize with her lack of trust for her millionaire husband who bends over backwards for her. Boo freaking hoo.

The main drama in this book surrounds Andy and Emily's wedding magazine, Andy's publisher husband (Max), and Miranda (or, more appropriately, Elias-Clark -- the Conde Nast of the Devil world). When the "betrayal" was revealed, I was angry. And not because I was so outraged by all the pieces of crap in Andy's life. I was angry that Weisberger thought I was dumb enough to believe that the people in Andy's life were suddenly that stupid and conniving.

By the end of the book, Andy just ends up where she left off at the end of the last book. Except she has a kid. Super. This book = big fat FAIL

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In case you forgot what the hell The Devil Wears Prada is even about...

Enchant Me

I don't even know where to begin. When I first read about Enchant Me, I was intrigued. Like all books I read about and end up being duped by. The description felt fresh and unique. I've never read anything that had to do with druids and I like a good supernatural-with-a-splash-of-romance twist. Another plus -- I grew up around Steilacoom and was curious to see how it looked in a fictional world.

Well, I don't mean to come off as a huge jerk, but Enchant Me by Anne Violet was quite possibly the worst book I have ever read. I kept cringing as my eyes slid painfully over every word -- and not because there were monsters hiding in the bushes. I should have stopped reading, but 99 cents is 99 cents, and I wasn't going to waste it. Though I wish I would have bought a doughnut from the grocery store instead...

 
So what's Enchant Me about? A 17-year-old girl named Alexis. After she broke up with her boyfriend, the jaded ass spread rumors about her, turning her into a pariah. On top of that, Grannie Dearest told her she's about to gain some crazy druid powers, and it won't be a pleasant experience, either. Despite all of that, she happens to meet a gorgeous guy named Christian, and there's instant attraction. But all isn't what it seems. Christian has secrets of his own. And that jaded ex of hers? He isn't going to sit by and watch Alexis be happy.

See, that sounds interesting, right?

No, it's not. Nothing about this story worked for me. Not even the fact that the story took place in Steilacoom, a place I know and love. Maybe I'm overly sensitive because I know Steilacoom so well, but I think I'm allowed to be. Violet didn't do Steilacoom, or my favorite park, any justice. She could have described it so much better, brought it to life and really made it unique. Instead it just felt generic. And one last logistical issue: a whole bunch of teenagers aren't going to drive 40 minutes out to the boondocks of Graham for some party. At least no one I went to school with would, but maybe I wasn't cool in high school.

Sadly, the complaining doesn't end with location. None of the characters felt real and believable. Alexis is supposed to be an outsider at school, but it seemed as though really only three people had beef with her. She was given so many characteristics to make her unique that it felt forced. I don't care if she's a belly dancer if it doesn't add to the story and only seemed like an inserted afterthought. Oh, she bought a really expensive, fancy motorcycle without any help from her mom or obtaining a loan? Yeah right. It was hard to like her, especially when she kept making stupid decisions. Even the grandmother felt two-dimensional. Her only purpose was to spew information and tell Alexis how powerful she was without really painting any sort of picture. She just showed up with answers. How convenient. Convenient describes a lot of things that happened in Enchant Me.

Like Christian and his story. He felt like an old man, not a teenager. I kept expecting him to really be a vampire or some other immortal being. And saying that he, a senior in high school, had enough money from selling his art to have him set for life is a bunch of bull. But maybe I just don't know anything about art.

I couldn't believe how situations kept getting resolved -- or unresolved. The whole prom thing was ridiculous, and the end of the book felt anticlimactic. I don't care what happens to any of these characters. Even though I know the second book takes place in Ireland, a place I adore, I just don't care. Maybe I would if I was 14, but unfortunately I'm not. And I'd really hope a 14-year-old would have better taste.

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In case you were curious, my favorite park in Steilacoom, which is vaguely featured in this book, is Saltar's Point. Named after a guy you've never heard of until now (Captain John Saltar), one of the best things about this park is the bridge that goes over the train tracks.